Saturday, April 15, 2006
The Will to Do
Probably the most difficult thing about committing to an exercise program is how easy it is to justify cheating when you want to. I did make it to the gym four times this week (hurrah!) but I know my eating habits could have been better. It's that whole "just one little thing" mentality that kills me. Just one spoonfuls of ice cream, followed by another, then a piece of chocolate, a handful of raisins, some crackers with peanut butter, and before I realize it I've put away a meal's worth of calories by grazing on what's in my cupboards. I guess I shouldn't worry about putting on weight. I think since I've been exercising over the past several months I have pretty much stayed within two pounds the entire time, but I know those snacks go right to my midsection and keep it on life support a bit longer.
My boyfriend and I had a mini vacation for two days in New York City and it seemed we had barely enough time to see sights and do things between stuffing ourselves with yummy food. My boyfriend is small-framed and, generally, a fitness and health nut. I know that most of the time we aren't together he is eating sticks and dirt or nothing, but when he is with me he seems to put away everything and anything he wants without feeling guilty about it. Of course, as a former Catholic, I feel guilty about basically anything pleasurable: eating, spending money, and sex come to mind first.
The good news is that I feel stronger than I have in a long time. My arms and chest are developing, and while I don't want to have a bodybuilder physique, I wouldn't mind people seeing me and guessing correctly that I work out. My legs and calves are also looking nicer, at least to me. When I was a kid I had these fat tree trunk legs that seemed to be the same diameter all the way down. At one point it was uncomfortable to stand with my feet together because of the fat. Those days, thankfully, are long behind me but I still have a ways to go before I'm where I'd like to be.
My boyfriend and I had a mini vacation for two days in New York City and it seemed we had barely enough time to see sights and do things between stuffing ourselves with yummy food. My boyfriend is small-framed and, generally, a fitness and health nut. I know that most of the time we aren't together he is eating sticks and dirt or nothing, but when he is with me he seems to put away everything and anything he wants without feeling guilty about it. Of course, as a former Catholic, I feel guilty about basically anything pleasurable: eating, spending money, and sex come to mind first.
The good news is that I feel stronger than I have in a long time. My arms and chest are developing, and while I don't want to have a bodybuilder physique, I wouldn't mind people seeing me and guessing correctly that I work out. My legs and calves are also looking nicer, at least to me. When I was a kid I had these fat tree trunk legs that seemed to be the same diameter all the way down. At one point it was uncomfortable to stand with my feet together because of the fat. Those days, thankfully, are long behind me but I still have a ways to go before I'm where I'd like to be.
